Thriving Beyond Eating Disorder Recovery

I have to be honest. When I heard that this month’s theme was life beyond recovery, I panicked a little…Okay, a lot. My recovery process has been long and gruelling. At times, I wonder if a life beyond fighting my eating disorder every single moment, every single day is going to happen. Sometimes it feels like my life revolves around staying above water and maintaining health, and it is hard to see a future beyond that.

It is my dream to have a rewarding future where fighting my eating disorder is not a constant battle.

To have a life beyond outpatient appointments and weight fluctuations and picking myself up after slips only to worry when I will slip again is the dream that keeps me motivated when recovery feels so exhausting.

I know in my heart someday I will be free of my eating disorder. I do not expect perfection of myself, but I have faith that someday recovery from my eating disorder will be a way of life that comes naturally, as opposed to a constant conscious process. I know I can get there because I have seen friends reach this phase of recovery. Most of all, I know I can get there because there have been times where I have had glimpses of what life beyond daily eating struggles look like in my own life.

I have a will to live – not just to survive, but to truly thrive – and that is what will carry me through this process to the other side.

To me, life beyond recovery means I will not be controlled by my past with my eating disorder, but it will always inform my present and future. As hard as having an eating disorder and being in recovery has been, I have learned so much about myself, my values, and how I want to make the world a better place.

I imagine a world where self-love and self-acceptance are valued over self-sacrifice and self-criticism.

I imagine a world where people are valued for their hearts and minds, rather than their physical appearance.

I imagine a world where people are free to be exactly who they are without worrying about being judged or hurt by others who lack understanding and compassion.

I imagine a world where children are taught healthy coping skills and learn to use them, rather than being surrounded by maladaptive behaviors involving food, substances, and other self-destructive coping mechanisms.

I want to use my voice and experience to help others, because entering recovery has given me the resources to explore how I can live a life worth living that fulfills me, and that is not an opportunity that everyone has.

I want to inspire people by simply living my life in a healthy, balanced way, but I would also love to someday pursue my dream of being a clinical psychologist and counselling people with mental illnesses and trauma. I would also love to conduct research on new treatments, which is the career I am currently pursuing. For a while I gave up on my dream of being a therapist someday because I thought my experiences made me a hypocrite, or unable to set a good example.When recovery is a natural way of life for me, I know that I will have the strength and inner resources to help people in an authentic way.

That time is not now, while every day is a struggle to maintain recovery, but I know I will get there.

I think having intimate knowledge of how it feels to have an eating disorder and be in recovery can allow me to empathize on a deeper level with people who struggle.

Life beyond recovery means using what I have learned from my own process to make a mark on the world and help other people recognize their full potential.

I know life beyond an eating disorder and beyond recovery, though a constant process, is possible for everyone who has the desire to heal.

Jessica

Jessica has a B.A. in Psychology and Women's Studies and is pursuing a graduate degree in Clinical Psychology. She is passionate about social justice and hopes to make a difference in the lives of others and advocate for social change. Having recovered from an eating disorder, Jessica is committed to spreading the word that freedom from eating disorders is possible. Through her writing at Libero, Jessica hopes to empower those struggling with eating disorders to fight for the health and happiness that they deserve.